In Buddhist traditions, monks have a bowl that they carry into the world to receive sustenance from the world. The bowl may get filled with money or food or a book. Anything that is given is received by the monk as what they feed themselves from for that day. Contemplating this practice, I am struck by a few ideas that resonate for me. 1) Creating a space of openness for whatever comes in life. 2) Noticing what is filling your bowl. 3) Learning/growing from whatever comes. 4) Asking for what you need.
It takes a conscious effort to continually create a space of openness to receive whatever life brings. Clenching, grasping, or even covering up can be a natural response especially when things are not the way we would wish. This is something I work on regularly in my yoga practice on physical, mental, and emotional levels. When I notice that I’m clenching or grasping or hiding (noticing is key) I aim to be curious about why I’m having this reaction, then invite a letting go of what I don’t need. Sometimes, ok a lot of the time, I have to repeat the letting go. And I remind myself to give grace when I can’t.
Noticing what is filling your bowl, especially when it’s your own actions (I get myself in trouble all the time). A quote from Everyday Sacred by Sue Bender resonated for me, "Then, hardly noticing it, I started getting busy, saying 'yes' to the many things that were offered. Suddenly I had too much on my plate. I had slipped back into an old groove, frantically scurrying to get everything done, crossing things off a never-ending list, and feeling the constant weight of all that was left undone." For me, this noticing is recognizing my unease when it seems like my bowl is emptying and I’m uncertain of how it will fill back up (see the previously mentioned clenching, grasping, and covering up comment). It is an effort to notice patterns that fill my bowl with less useful things then to consciously choose others that I know will serve me better.
When I was struggling to finish my doctoral dissertation, my mom asked me, “What are you learning from this?” I’m pretty sure I pulled a pouty face in response, but it’s a question I come back to when I’m struggling with other things. The prompt to be curious and open to learning from all that life brings is a useful one, but not always easy to maintain. Especially when overwhelmed by challenges or changes I did not invite. Creating a habit to remind myself to assess my reaction (the emotion, the resistance, etc.) is sometimes a note on the wall by my desk or a cue during meditation. Cultivating a mindset of curiosity spills out into all aspects of my mind, connecting back to the sense of openness.
I’m really bad at asking for what I need. My default is to be grateful for what I have (which is a lot). I often have to work myself up to asking, creating elaborate rationales to justify my ask (not that these are required). These default qualities are lovely…and I know from experience that when I am able to ask for what I need, regardless of the outcome, I am more grounded and nourished to offer care to others. There is also the realization in asking for what I need I am able to influence what comes to me. The asking works as a kind of filter, guiding what I allow to fill my bowl.
These are not easy practices to maintain, but I guess that’s part of why this is “practice”. Because of the nature of my work, I am asking for compensation for the services I provide and for what I need to support all that I do. I am grateful to do this work every day. Sometimes I struggle with these ideas from the begging bowl. It has helped me to develop regular habits or rituals to remind myself to 1) create an open space to receive, 2) pay attention to what is filling my life, 3) cultivate a sense of learning in all that comes to me, and 4) asking clearly for what I need. It’s definitely a work in progress ;).